Dear Dairy…..

Second day of his absence we had a little fight. Wouldn’t go into details but something to do with sex.

Midway into the fight I was really mad and already canceling thoughts of him in my head. Getting emotionally ready to delete trace of him from memory or anywhere else.

I thought he was different, how could he be thinking towards that direction right now, we have a whole lot of other things to talk about. But then he apologized and explained himself. Got me to calm down and even smile.

And all was well with the world again. I really do like him. Don’t I??….😏😊



I have always been on the opinion that nothing should ever make anyone take their own life, but I have come to realize that there are circumstances surrounding this sort of behaviour.

Our minds and thoughts are very powerful because they determine our every action. Before anything is done we must have thought about it several times…over and over again, and then come to a conclusion.

I believe no one actually wakes up and decides to take their life just like that. The rate of individuals taking their lives in Nigeria is growing rapidly. And you will be like “why did this one do such a stupid thing as this? See his/her reasons self, it doesn’t make sense. He/she is so stupid!!”

Yes they did it based on a very trivial matter, but what you don’t know is that everybody handles stress, situations differently. We are all wired different, our emotions can be very overwhelming. Matters of the heart can be very complicated.

Instead of judging we should instead try to understand. Look deeper and see beyond the surface.

People deal with stress everyday, trauma, heartbreaks, poverty, diseases, etc. In all this one thing stands out…Loneliness. We go through all this alone, different trials in life and we do it alone. Most times we are surrounded by friends, family, even wealth, but we are still alone. How can this be you ask? Here is how:

Lets take Nigeria for example, we joke about everything. No one is willing to help, no one wants to know about your problems. Why should they? They got issues of their own who is going to help with it?

You tell someone your problem, how you feel, what is bringing you down, making you sad, making you cry. Why you acting this way or that. And they laugh at you, they call you weak and stupid, they make jokes and brush it off..telling you to go and sleep or “park well”. They just don’t care. No one listens to you, no one wants to know.

You say how can a correct Nigerian like this go and kill himself? “Wetin for this world one make me commit suicide?” But like i said we handle issues differently, not everyone is made the same.

In foreign countries help is being provided for such cases, there is even a hotline you can call when you start feeling suicidal. But personally i think its still the same in the end…No one listens.

Your friends say call them when you feel better and back to your old self, your family pushes you off to the psychologist because they don’t ” understand you”, the psychologist diagnoses you based on his analysis and gives you several pills to take to “help you cope” and very soon you start abusing these pills because nothing seems to work. Finally you are right back where you started..and still ALONE..trying to deal, trying to find your way back.

You are surrounded by family, friends, people. Laughing and smiling, willing yourself to forget, to let go. You talk and laugh with them but it doesn’t reach your eyes, or soul.

When you finally find someone to talk to..they listen, but don’t listen, they don’t hear you, they don’t make an attempt at understanding, because they don’t see a problem. No one cares.

Things start piling up, from this to that and that. You are over sensitive, you stop laughing, stop being yourself. Instead you are cooped up within yourself, the thoughts keep building up, can’t sleep, no escape, can’t talk to no one about it, no escape. That is when some start doing drugs, gambling, partying, joining bad gangs, stealing, anything to take your mind off, a little piece of your own Euphoria where ever you can find it. Dealing in whatever way you can. Many find escape better than others. In Painting, Music, Dancing, Writing..But it also fades by after a while. And the thoughts fights their way in once again, like demons clawing at your very Soul.

Then one little push, sudden rage about something. You lost a hand at gambling, you can’t remember where you hid the drugs, the drink, your bf/gf suddenly cheated, someone lied, you lost a bet. Something, anything…you can’t take it anymore.

And even though you know it’s a SIN. Even though you know it’s BAD. You do it anyway. Just to escape it all.




Dear dairy, today went ok I woke up with a song in my heart and a smile on my lips. I was really excited this morning because i couldn’t wait to meet him again. 

We chatted for long last night. He said he was gonna come get me later in the day. Today is Thursday and I was home. Waited the whole day for his call but it didn’t come, tried calling but the number was switched off. Am beginning to think he wouldn’t be showing up anymore,but I still had hope. 
He came to my place later this evening, whoa!! I wasn’t ready!! He waited while I got ready and few minutes later we took off.

He took me to a football game which he participates in with some friends for fun. Am not a big fan of football but what’s a girl to do, I had to show my support to him, atleast  I tried to until I got really bored and slept off!!!!…Ha!!! Hope he didn’t notice. 

He did notice something was wrong.  I wasn’t really happy we went to a football game, i thought we were going to have an alone time and talk more about ourselves. He tried to get me to talk but didn’t really know how to go about it. The ride home was pretty quiet as  I had a lot on my mind, brooding and all. 

 We finally got home and I kind of expected him to try something like a kiss or hug but nothing of the sort happened. He walked me to the gate, then told me he would be taking a trip out of town. I didn’t like that one bit, but nodded and said ok, deep down I knew I was gonna miss him in a way. Falling for him already? I definitely hope not!!!!….



Morning my dear Brothers and sisters, boys and girls of all ages, friends, foe, etc etc.

 I woke up today feeling pretty good and happy. That is until I was ready to go to work. So i have decided to come here and rave about it. These are what blogs are made for is it not? Borrowing the phrase of a very good friend of mine. *flips weave and clears throat* This is why am mad.

We all know about the situation of our darling dear country Nigeria right? Of course we do anyone who doesn’t must be living under a rock. 

Anyways…the situation of our dear country never really bothered me before.,that is until today. Things rise up, things go down, no fuel, no light, no water, no President,no Governor (CRS) but we all still survive right? Cos we are Nigerians and that’s what we do: Survive. 

We smile and laugh while suffering and still find a way to look good. Our moto is no longer “Unity and Faith, Peace and Progress” but “Suffering and smiling, Corruption and Disunity” and making jokes and mimes about it all over the internet and social media. I mean thank God for social media o. Now u can just open you phone laugh laugh laugh, drink water and go and sleep. That is if you even have money to buy data, or battery on your phone.

Our leaders are not even helping matters, people we voted for, put into power to speak for us are the ones using our head to wipe floor now.

We have disappearing President and Governor (Governor of Cross River State). Why campaign if you knew you aren’t strong even to carry out the duties and responsibilities given to you, why struggle for power if you know you won’t sit one place or do anything profitable with it? Am not one to concern myself with matters of politics even though am a Political Scientist, but mehn am sick and tired of shit mehn. Am sick and tired with all this bs going on in Nigerian.

People look for ways to exploit each other. Buhari is sick, they increase price of tomatoes. Buhari has traveled to China price of transportation will increase. Cat born Kerosine is 300 naira, Chicken cross road palm oil is 900 naira a litre. Wetin sef? Ogini? In short I don vex. Make we change this English to correct pidgin abi na who English epp? Yes o I can speak correct and proper English forget anything. 

See our graduates roaming the streets with certificates that no one wants to look at. They make you go to school and work hard, read book cram book, drink coffee chew gum, soak leg inside cold water, go to classes at night to read and mosquitoes doing birthday celebration feasting on your legs, all because you are trying to read so you can make good grades. So you can get a good position for yourself in society. All to no avail because one yeye person that has managed to have position somewhere in one company or office, would not want to employ someone that has the capacity to do the job needed but will want to turn it to family business. Employ your daughter, your son, your niece that is in year one in university will need the job, your unborn baby all join. Our graduates are roaming the streets with nothing to do. Certificates wasting away and rotting in their bags or becoming feats for rats.

Taxi and market people will always look for ways to cheat you. You are fair that means you have money they increase price, you wear Corper uniform enter taxi or market that means you have money, they increase price. Like I said some things never use to bother me because I just manage and pray that it gets better. But right now am raving mad. Why must others suffer for another mans greed? Cost of living is high but nobody wants to know. Yes we are all struggling we are managing, doing the best we can. So why can’t we help each other? You dunno where the next person is coming from or what is going on in their life. Stop seeing dollar or naira sign when you look at a person. Am addressing this to all the taxis and market people out there. Stop it!! Enough is enough!! Ahh ahh!!!…. Na them dey vex me pass. Especially in Cross River State. 

Now I don’t know what happened to the fuel situation here, I don’t know if its all over the country or not. And I don’t want to know cos I don’t care, not really. What I care about is to be able to leave my house and go to work peacefully without anyone trying to rip me off because am fair or smell nice. One day things will be fine and going well, wake up next morning the country is in chaos. 

Our esteem dear Govornor has gone and changed the logo of Cross River State to one ugly looking logo. I no know who send am work. People will stay and look for where to siffon money from. Wetin concern CRS logo with you? Who send you work? The one wey them send you you no do. 

Now you all know the reason for my ravings and I feel much better to have let it all here. So am done for now. Let us continue to pray that God will save us all from this our great country Nigeria. That is if he hasn’t abandoned us too. 

Since every body now is not staying in their country but traveling to China and America and Canada. Let me too come and be going. For those of you that are still here please alert me when the situation of things changes. *brakes private private jet and stylishly catwalks from view* (those of you who get the humor in this, congrats you are intelligent, those that didn’t should wait for my next coming).




Dear dairy….today I met someone. He seems cool and exciting . We chatted for a while and exchanged numbers. He promised to call and meet up.

 We did hook up, he came over to where I work and we went to a calm and relaxed atmosphere, found a cozy nook in a corner and went on to talk about ourselves.

 I found him exciting and caring enough. Free spirited, made me laugh a lot…guess he has a good sense of humour or just wanted to get me to relax. Whichever it was..wth I had fun!!!.. 

  Mum called, had to rush home… Didn’t really want to leave but I had to.

 He took me home, we said our goodbyes and promised to meet again…….



I found  out that the only time I get inspiration to write, and actually do some writing is at night. I don’t know if it happens to anyone else.

When I can’t sleep, and am all in bed alone. Especially on a cold night like this one. I get inspiration, thoughts starts coming in, words forming, stories appearing out of nowhere. Then my fingers start flying all over the keyboard as I type away.

 I like that. I like when you are able to write and everything just falls in, you don’t need to strain or experience that awful writers block phase. Gosh how I hate it.

 I remember one time I was writing a good story, I was on my way from work, while in the car…I just felt a good story coming. I had the plot and cast all lined up. My pen and notepad was ready. And I started writing fervently…all of a sudden I stopped, and I couldn’t remember what I was about to write next. I just went blank, staring into space and trying my damnest to remember. Yet nada, zilch, zero, nothing. 

It was so embarrassing and annoying. I hate when that happens in the middle of a story. 

Now I think I got it all figured out. Cold rainy night is the best time for me to write. That is when am not curled up in a blanket sleeping soundly. Hehehe….



Hi…My name is Mandy, and am in love with my doctor.

It all started when I woke up to a burning sensation in my chest one morning. At first I ignored it, thinking it was nothing serious, and that it will disappear. But it persisted to the point that I began to find it hard to breath.

Mum was beside herself with worry. She had told me to see the doctor when it first started, but I ignored her. And so she put her foot down and made me go.
See the thing with me is..i hate hospitals and I hate drugs. One would think growing up in a hospital I would be used to this by now. truth was, I was just tired…tired of pumping myself full with different medications to help me stay alive, all I wanted was just to be normal and lead a normal life. Why must I take meds for every little thing? Why can’t I be like the rest of my siblings? Why, why, why???!!!.
I see I got you all confused when I talked about “growing up in the hospital”…here, let me explain. The thing is I have leukemia. Sucks right? Yea..all my life I have had to take precautions about what I eat, and basically how to live my life. I literally grew up in the hospital because of frequent attacks from my health condition. 

Most times I was placed on certain medications that help me stay strong. That is until my body starts to reject it and then a new one is prescribed.
Sooo..back to the story. Mum wasn’t taking any chances and I had to go. On getting there, I noticed it wasn’t the usual doctor on call but a different one. The old one had been transferred. Oh well…guess he will have to do. Several tests where taken, plus xray scans.

It was there we noticed I was having issues with my lungs!! One of my lungs had fallen apart!!!.. I sat wide eyed, staring at the doctor, mouth agape…trying to process what he was saying. I mean I was hearing him but my mind was finding it hard to register anything. WTF!!!! A collapsed long??? This can’t be happening. These are things you see in a movie. Surely it doesn’t happen in real life. How can one person suffer this much? How? When? These were the thoughts running in my mind. My mind was in turmoil. I didn’t realise I had began to cry. This is it….I was gonna die. Goodbye world. Large pearls of water were just dropping, I was staring unseemly into space. Didn’t notice when the doctor had come around to my side and had his arm around me trying to comfort me. Assuring me everything was gonna be fine.

It was then I turned to look at him. He had glasses on which made his eye seem bigger, oval face itched with concern and worry, long pointed nose, thin lips pressed together. My gaze wondered back to his face again, studying him more. He had nice caring  black eyes, clean shaved face and low cut hair and he really smelled nice. 

There was nothing really special about his looks, I mean you couldn’t say he was drop dead gorgeous. I guess he was just normal looking. I didn’t notice when I the tears stopped coming. I found myself nodding to something he was saying, taking a deep breath I wiped my tears.

He explained that because of the collapsed lung I have been finding it difficult to breath, and because I didn’t know about it I have been going about everything normal which has put a strain on the other lung causing it to work overtime trying to keep up, because it was now doing the work of two. He took his time to explain things to me, breaking it to a level even a child would understand.

Tests also showed that my immune system was down. He had to place me on admission, you know the usual drill.
During my time there, Dr George Kokelu made sure I got the best medical care. He took his time assessing me, asking me questions and writing some of the stuffs down in my file. (the medical stuffs) he also asked some personal stuffs too. And mehn could he ask them. 

I noticed Dr Kokelu was different from the other docs I have met. He takes his time to create a rapport with his patients, making them comfortable and interacting with them like he was talking to his buddies. I liked that in him. And he made me laugh a lot which I liked doing. I guess he was trying to take my mind off the situation on ground, and I was glad.

He wasn’t like other docs who come in with stern faces and superior carriage, do their jobs and go. He tackles the matter from the root.

While at the hospital, after a series of drips and injections. I went to sleep. That was when I had a dream about my doctor. An erotic dream at that!!! 

Omg!!! I woke up with a start, hot and bothered. I looked around and found the Doctor beside my bed checking my drip, he turned and looked at me with a weird look on his face, then asked 

“are you alright?” to which I answered yes..he said he heard me making noises and he came over to check if I was ok. 

I blushed and looked away. But my eyes kept straying to him as he made his rounds, watching him closely. 

I couldn’t believe I had a wet dream about my doctor!!!!……

Later that day I was discharged and went home. I had the same dream again that night. I woke up the next morning with the doctor in mind. 

All morning I was getting ready for work I kept replaying the moments I had spent with the doctor, his smile was amazing it lights up his eye. And that glasses of his looks cute perched on his nose. I decided the doctor was cute after all. I made a mental note to see him that day. Which I did, and we spent time talking and it was amazing.

After that day I kept seeing the doctor, to him it was a friendly visit, but to me it was so much more!! Oh how I wish he knew it. I keep fantasizing on how he will notice how in love I am with him one day and how he will give me a knee shaking kiss, which will leave me breathless.

The Doctor became my crush, my drug, my addiction. I couldn’t get him out of my mind. Am sure everyone in the clinic knew I was in love
with him but him. He was so clueless it was cute. Another reason I couldn’t stay away.